I need some sunshine!!!!!

It's Friday, late afternoon, in mid February. I've been cooped up in this little trailer for over a year now. I can't really believe I made it. I watched Survivor last night and noticed how many similarities in their lifestyle we share out here. Every day here is dependent on the weather. Whether you cook, bathe, exercise, it all depends on the weather. Tomorrow is the day we are supposed to be able to go next door and claim our place, open our house. I had scary obstacle dreams all last night. I had no idea how afraid I have become over the horrible person that threatened our lives with a gun. I am so tired and sick of the drama. I never wanted drama. I just wanted a happy lovely life with the animals, planting gardens, riding horses. I am afraid to get a good look in a big mirror. Both Jim and I certainly show the wear and tear of these past months. I'm proud that we have survived, but it's been really really hard. This last cold spell with the rain and sleet has really done its damage on my psyche. I guess I'm lucky to be alive. Things have got to be better, get easier. I'll work hard, as always, to make a beautiful home for my little family, such as we are. If it were only for good intentions, we'd be fine...